Passion

I was sitting in a work meeting the other night, and the trainer wanted everyone to go around and say their name and what they were passionate about in life. And you couldn't say your family. Hmmm. This was a simple question. No one seemed to be having trouble with it but me. Some of the answers were traveling, their careers, fitness, etc. When it got to me, I came up with such a pathetic answer. I said, "I USED to be passionate about dance." Used to be?! I couldn't think of anything I'm currently passionate about?

When my husband was deep in the ocean of addiction, I sacrificed almost everything I was to help him through. My world revolved around protecting him, holding his head above water, making sure he made it through. I left a job I really liked for something that paid better and had better benefits. I rushed home from work so I could get home in time to shove him out of bed so he might make it to work that night. I raided every nook and cranny of the room so I could dispose of any pills/bottles before my mom or dad found them. (Oh yeah, we lived with my parents for a year and a half.) I tried tirelessly to convince my family that everything was going to be ok, even though I wasn't sure it would be. And after all this, there was nothing left of me. There was no room for passion in my life.

When I was in the 5th grade, my mom put me in a dance class. I had begged her since I was a little girl to put me in dance, because I wanted to be just like my big sister and travel the world dancing. When she finally gave in, that is when my life truly began. It was like taking a deep breath of fresh air for the first time in my life.
I can't tell you why I stopped. I can only tell you that somewhere along the way, my priorities changed, and dance dropped to the bottom of the list.

So here I am, 25, having been through so much the past eight years, and I couldn't answer that question. I've spent SO much time giving myself to others, that I've forgotten myself. I'm hoping that I can overcome my fear of looking inward, while still keeping the gift of being able to look outward.

I've thought a lot about that question though, and I think I've come up with a few answers:

1) I AM passionate about my family. They have gotten me through some really tough spots in life.

2) I'm passionate about my faith. God is the only reason I'm here today, with a husband with almost a year of sobriety under his belt.

3) I'm passionate about addiction recovery. It has become a huge part of my life, and I hope I can continue to learn and grow. And I hope that eventually, I'll be able to figure out what number 4 is on this list.